Trap Setting

Uncle Crowscar's first golden book of antipersonnel devices

or a new trapper's illustrated primer

"I don't know if you know what this is, but when I take my thumb off this, it will explode that. And if you knew how much work it took for me to create this, then you might know how excited I am at the possibility that I might be able to use it." Garrett Lawton, Hollow Point

Hiya hiya hiya kids, it's your uncle Crowscar with a few tips on detonating bad guys for fun and profit! First, we're going to look at the oldest and easiest door trap I know, the rigged mousetrap. Now before you get bent out of shape about me foisting something 'old and easy' off on you, keep in mind that the old tricks get old because they're both reliable and effective - they've proven themselves again and again in the field. You'll need:

• a locking-spring-bar-and-lever type mousetrap with a wooden base
• a drill or, in a pinch, a miniature stapler some dark colored carpet thread or fishing line some mounting tape a thumbtack or pushpin.

1. Drill a hole in the wooden base of the mousetrap, directly under the end of the triggering lever farthest from the center spring. The hole should be wide enough to get your thread or fishing line through, but not so large that it'll weaken the integrity of the wood. If you don't have a drill, a staple in the same place with enough space to thread your line under it should work just as well. The idea is to get any pressure on the line to pull the trigger lever directly down.
2. Thread your line through the hole or staple and tie it to the end of the lever.
3. Using your mounting tape, stick the mousetrap to the doorjamb or wall with the end with the hole or staple in it facing the door. Make sure that there is enough clearance between the trap and the wall for your line to move smoothly, and that the line doesn't get stuck to the tape.
4. Run out some line to the door, tie that end around the pin part of the tack and tack it to the door, leaving enough slack to set the mousetrap. Once the trap is set, opening the door will cause tension on your line, setting off the trap and causing your victim 2 points of damage. Easy-peasy, fun for the whole family and a great icebreaker at parties.

   

   

"But uncle Crowscar," I hear you cry, "I could have figured that one out myself! It's so easy!" Oh yeah? Oh Yeah??? Well I guess we'll have to move on to something with a little more punch then - a buzzer trap. A snap trap like the mousetrap isn't going to do much except slow your victim down, unless you happen to have a problem like a killer gerbil or small child. A buzzer, though... that's 5 points of pain, more than enough to drop, say, my aunt Ethel. Or Geraldo Rivera. Maybe even Mr. Bill. You'll need:

• a 9-volt battery*
• a 9-volt battery clip*
• a piezo or magnetic buzzer*
• a clothespin (the wooden, spring-tension kind)
• 3 brass thumbtacks
• electrical or duct tape
• mounting tape
• fishing line
• something playing-card thin and nonconductive
• a small (3 inch by 4 inch or so) piece of chipboard, cardboard, linoleum or the like to serve as a backing a utility knife.
  
  *= available at your local radio shack

1. Use your utility knife to strip about 1/4 inch of the insulation from the ends of the wires on your battery clip and buzzer.
2. Twist one of the wires from the buzzer and one of the wires on the battery clip together and secure the twist with tape. (I tend to cover this arrangement with a bit of aluminum foil before taping - it keeps the adhesive on the tape from interfering with your connection.) Make sure that the positive lead from the clip goes to the positive wire on your buzzer and vice-versa - otherwise your buzzer will burn out in pretty short order. Radio shack components come with color-coded wires for this very reason.
3. Hook your battery up to the clip and test your components and connection by touching the unconnected wires together. you should get a loud buzz or tweet. once you're sure everything's working, unhook the battery from the clip or the rest of this process is going to get loud and annoying, and your bunkmates will throw things at you and call you nasty names.
4. Wrap your unconnected wires around the pin parts of two of your brass tacks, near the disc part. The tacks need to be brass or some other highly conductive material because they're going to be closing the circuit, and you want the connection to be strong.
5. Push the tacks into the opposing jaws of the clothespin so that they meet when the clothespin closes. A quick word on clothespins - these things are designed to hold wet clothes on a line, so the springs are pretty strong, which can interfere with your new use for it. Grinding the end of the spring arm down should weaken it a bit.
6. Tack the whole shebang, including the battery, to your chipboard or linoleum with the mounting tape, making sure that the line you're going to be running to the jaws of the clothespin won't be obstructed.
7. Punch a pinhole in your nonconductive playing card, bus pass, folded over piece of scotch tape, VISA, Mastercard, whatever. I find that something with a glossy surface tends to work better than a matte surface for this purpose; old bus passes are ideal.
8. Thread your fishing line through the pinhole, tie it in place and put the card between the tacks so that it holds them completely apart. Stick the trap assembly to the door, then run the line out to the doorjamb or wall next to the trap and tack it in place. Hook the battery up to the clip and the trap is set, armed and ready for aunt Ethel. Be sure you put her down quick, though - she's mean when she's wounded.

   

Generally, the more complex a trap gets the more expensive it will be to produce - with the mousetrap, you can make two for maybe $7.00. The basic buzzer is going to run you more like $12.00 (remember that in both cases there are parts you'll be able to find around the house, and parts you can re-use. 9-volt battery clips, for instance, come in batches of 5.) That said, here's a trap that goes for about $15.00, but works on a different triggering principle - a pressure trap. You'll need:

• a 9-volt battery and battery clip*
• a buzzer*
• a roller lever switch*
• electrical or duct tape
• mounting tape
• a drill
• a utility knife
• a vise
• a pair of pliers
• 2 tacks
• a small (about 2 inch by 4 inch or so) piece of aluminum flashing from your local hardware store
• a piece of chipboard for backing.
  
  *= available at your local radio shack

1. You've already done steps 1-3 from the buzzer trap, so do them again. I'll stand over here and lend moral support.
2. Hook the unconnected wires to the two outside posts on the bottom of the lever switch, marked 'closed idle' and 'current' in the diagram. This means that the switch will buzz when it's released, and stay quiet when it's pressed.
3. Stick the battery and buzzer to your backing, making sure the base of the battery is flush with one end of the backing, like this:

   

4. Stick the roller lever switch to the side of the battery so that the lever projects past the edge of your backing. Stick the whole mess to the door in such a way that the lever on the switch projects past the edge of the door.
5. Now it's time to go to work on that aluminum flashing... drill a couple of small holes in one end so that you'll be able to tack it securely to the wall with your tacks. The holes should be about 1/2 inch from the edge of the aluminum, at one end.
6. Put about 1inch of the aluminum, the end with the holes in it, in your vise and use the pliers to bend the metal at a 90-degree angle. Of course, you could just stick it between the door and jamb and bend it that way, but you'd be putting some vise-maker out of work. Shame on you. Use the pliers to curl the opposite end of the flashing from the holes back in the same direction as the pierced end, but on a curve or slant, not a 90-degree bend.
7. Tack the flashing to the doorjamb so that it maintains enough pressure on the switch to keep it from going off. Hook up the battery and you're ready to blow up the next unsuspecting teammate who steps through the door. Won't s/he be surprised! For a split second...

The neat thing about this trap is that it resets itself - because you curled the free end of the flashing back, when the roller hits it it'll press the lever back down, instantly resetting itself. You can also run the wire to the 'open idle' post on the switch instead of the 'closed idle' post and stick the thing to a brick or coffee can just inside the door with the lever pointed towards the door. Wired that way, pressure on the switch will cause it to buzz. The drawback there is that someone with a limber wrist can reach in and pick it up, moving it out of the way.

Well, I've shown you enough to get you in plenty of trouble for now. The rest is up to you, kiddo - get out there and build a better mousetrap, or bad-guy trap as it were. Remember, those ghoulies and ghosties and long-legged beasties are out there, just waiting to sneak into your place some night and...well best not to dwell on that. The point is, some of them are darn smart, and they're already thinking up ways to get around these traps. Keeping one step ahead of them is going to take smarts, creativity and just a touch of crazy. But don't worry, what's the worst that could happen to you - or your roommates - if you fail?
No pressure.